Well, I'd been thinking about it for months - having my boyfriend of a year-and-a-half participate in a ritual with me. He knew I was Pagan before I'd even gotten to know him. We've been living together since April, along with a roommate who's also a ware and certainly very tolerant, and it's been impractical, waiting for everyone to be gone. I do my workings in the living room, since it's a more open space and it's always much tidier than my bedroom. (I know, I know...)

I'm about to spend my second holiday season with Chris, and bring him to my family's Christmas Dinner for a second year. Besides loving him, I really think we work well together, complement each other and share similar goals for the future. I can't imagine having a family with him and feeling awkward about doing ritual or meditating with him around. I'd like to raise my children as Pagans, at least, as long as they wanted it.

So, with this all in mind, I decided that I would ask Chris to join me in my Samhain ritual. I knew he would be able to understand it's purpose - though he doesn't have any close family that's passed away yet (lucky him), I'm sure that in the future, he could even enjoy it. It went quite well, and lasted three hours. I was glad to have had him with me - we even did Tarot readings for each other.

My most successful Samhain ritual was two years ago - very emotional. Last year, I remember feeling like I did a lazy ritual. This year was better, but not as "connected" to the ancestors as I would have liked. I need to focus on more better energy-raising techniques. The long poem I read was lovely, but not quite right.

In the end, it was my own nervousness that hindered me. I went to fast while speaking. I didn't have enough time, or feel at ease enough, to meditate and get into the ritual mindset. This was my own doing, and I'll work on doing it more often around others to become more accustomed. (It's sad, I can meditate after a workout at the gym, why not when I'm alone with someone?)

This is important - I want to start practicing - Druidism or something resembling my own ecclectic Craft - with others. In most other things I'm quite confident, so I find my shyness during magical or ritual matters uncharacteristic of me, and uncomfortable. A challenge for me to overcome!

The next day I went to my cousin Allen's - visited with him, his wife Caroline, and his wee three-year-old daughter Julianne. We went trick-or-treating! Caroline's pregnant, and I'm so happy for them. I love stopping by there. So many people don't have relationships with their cousins. When my grandparents immigrated to Canada with their children, they only had each other. My mum was the youngest, and her eldest sister was 15 years older than her.

Now, we're a pretty close family. Allen's probably ten or eleven years younger than my mom. He's around eighteen years older than I am, the same age difference between myself and his daughter. I was sitting there, talking to him, and he said "You're so much like [your mother]!". It used to be him, going over to my parents house and watching the hockey game, keeping me - a baby - awake as a good luck charm.

I think I'll make visiting family 'round Samhain a tradition. What a way to honour ones ancestors, by loving their children.